Cutting cords
The first cord that was cut
Was from my stomach to my mum
They did it haphazardly
Now my belly button sits
Somewhere between
Out and In
When a finger brushes past the wrong place
I almost vomit and scream
Like my body remembers
This first day
Leaving it’s first home - and arriving in this new place
-
Everything that is born
must learn to endure
all of life’s cut cords
-
I moved countries at 8
Left a home I could no longer stand to live in
Needed to run from a village
And all that had been done to me
But my feet stepped on scorched earth
My feet bare on sand - quickly burnt
My tongue didn’t yet - know how to curl my words
My body disassociated
Where I was running from
And now where I was
Home was not a place - I learnt
-
Everything that is born
must learn to endure
all of life’s cut cords
-
First loves
Fleeting
Bleeding
Hoping
Dreaming
Failing
Grieving
At 13
All of it to a soundtrack of Bon Iver Skinny love
Thought I could control it with under-eating
-
Everything that is born
must learn to endure
all of life’s cut cords
-
Parents together
Home fractured
Parents apart
Two beds
Nowhere felt like home
I carried a backpack with me everywhere
Home - was on my shoulders
-
Everything that is born
must learn to endure
all of life’s cut cords
-
Fell in love for real
To a boy
Who made home something I could feel
Home - became him
Until eventually my heart made the whole world dive into a tailspin
My soul needed more than his four walls
But home - was my head on his chest
-
Everything that is born
must learn to endure
all of life’s cut cords
-
Home - not yet myself
I searched for home - in the arms of strangers
Not my share house or the dormitory beds
No bed or boy felt like mine
Everything was transitory
Until a boy took away my choice
The hands of a boy
Began to feel like a threat
-
Everything that is born
must learn to endure
all of life’s cut cords
-
Moved cities
And countries
Birthed new identities
Home - never found in a man again
Yet for a long time
Their presence
Sat on my body like an echo
-
Everything that is born
must learn to endure
all of life’s cut cords
-
Saved for a house
Dreaming of a home
Learning how expensive it is
To own bricks of your own
Each one I try to make mine
I soon find out
Is crumbling
-
Everything that is born
must learn to endure
all of life’s cut cords
-
Now- I’m home
In my heart
In my body
With my soul
Each time something ends
I trust the process
My body each month will shed
And I will change my sheets
I sit with myself
Again finding home - in me
-
Everything that is born
must learn to endure
all of life’s cut cords
-
But occasionally
One of my fingertips
Catches on something
And I brush past it all
I try not to vomit
And I try not to scream
-
Everything that is born
must learn to endure
all of life’s cut cords
-
Home is not in the bricks
Home is not in the mortar
Home is not in the arms of a man
Home is a heart state
And its in your trust
And willingness to wake up
And begin again
-
Everything that is born
must learn to endure
all of life’s cut cords



So good!! ❤️🩹
the refrain "Everything that is born/ must learn to endure/ all of life’s cut cords" hit me hard. this is beautiful. seriously!!! <33